A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Acid is not a monday night drug
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize