i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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