I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
