dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
