i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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