Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Less talking, more tequila
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
