I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
