So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Randomize
