I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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