you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
