I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
