I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
