And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
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Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
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We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize