Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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