Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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