I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
