If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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