Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
