thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
