my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
