theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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