They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
