my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Come see our sink grown plant.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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