i just had sex bonerless
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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