2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She said her name was "party"
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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