you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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