I feel like abortions should bother me more
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
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