if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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