And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
