The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
