I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
