Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
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