Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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