i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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