I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
