so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
