Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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