How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
