my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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