College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
