Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize