I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
