Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
