I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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