Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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