My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
