When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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