2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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