Tell her she can't have a vagina
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
