About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
