so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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