Can i not drive my cunt home
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
