Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
