the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
