I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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