just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
how drunk are you?
Several
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
