Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
