New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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