Got a toothbrush?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
