I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
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