I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Houston, we have a squirter
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
