Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
