I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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