Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
