When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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